Twilight… A different ending

umbrellas

annoying things -

people with golf umbreallas on the high street...yes its good for covering you and your golf bag in rain but not you and half the pathway, protecting you and your ham sandwich from M&S from a little dizzle is not called for.
-stupid "travel" umbrellas (the opposite of above). marketed in John lewis with wishes such as - light but strong...wind resistant...auto close and open....swish swosh...you buy them for £20 then step out and before you've even opened it, the light wind has already bent the ribs so its broken...
crap..

just wear a poncho..

people in street

hates people standing in door ways...move...
hates people pushing supermarket tolleys on the side or dragging them from the front and not using the handel at the back...
hates people suddenly turning around in the street when one is behind them...
hates people with the tripple pushchairs that are like a row of airline seats...i dont want to see your fertility status advertised nor do i want to walk in the road to give way to you...
hates grown men/women cycling on the path...youre old enough to get on the road

swine flu

friday rant

I lost my credit card but I absolutely can’t cancel it and get a new one— I’ve had these numbers memorized since high school!

Where the FUCK is my lovefilm envelope?

facts of os life

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes..

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.”

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

fake cars

not from china, but brands doing the trendy thing, these include-

range rover sports- looks stupid, buy a real RR. idiots.
Aston v8 vantage- if an Aston has a v8 it aint an aston. buy the jag XKR-R. fools
Bentley Conti- if its made from a VW it aint a Bentley. buy the real Arnage. retards

i'd rather ride bear back on a feret than have any of the three former mentioned car above.

supermarket sweep

So i gota go to three supermarket now cos they all dont stock the stuff i want-

Tesco - best for cottage cheese and hard cheese. Rolls. Cereal.
Sainsbury- Horlicks, Quark cheese, Fjuii milkshakes (vanila)
Asda- Malt loaf, fjuii milkshakes (vanila)

why can i get all of that under one roof?

email subjects

i hate it when people write their whole email in the subject box, stupid fools.

on line forms

Ugh, I hate when you have to select a country from a dropdown menu and United Kingdom isn’t the first option!

Yankee footie

So its the superbowl weekend, and its on the Beeb!

hurry,


boring. the only reason to watch it is for the half time shows and adverts (the later which wont be aired in UK cos of advertising restrictions especially on the bbc).
stop start, stop start, adverts, stop start, *eats second hot dog. blah blah, i'd rather watch Australian rugby, or the ice curling thing...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

mini roundabouts giving away

OK these roundabout (only found in UK it seems), are genuis at play when they work (i.e. people SIGNAL). but there is cause for annoyance when at a mini roundabout when everyone is indicating left.

Rules state "give way to the left", but when you are giving away and are also turning left, the guy in the next lane is doing the same, and its like circus act, everyone looking at each other, then one peerson moves forward a bit then stops, waves at the next guy, he dont move....stale mate.....

my view, if in doubt, go go go.

EARLY trains

So i gently walk to the station, pick up a london lite, glances at watch and knows i've got at least 2mins to get to the platform for the 16:07 train to Luton.
However i get concerned when i see people walking the other way up from the stairs, has a train arrived? but no its only 16:05 (bears in mind this is a Swiss timepiece that is infroming me of such detail). Thus upon walking down the stairs i only find that the Luton train departing 2mins early!
WTF!
Ok the usual rant is about late trains, but early?

May i ask FFC whats the point in having timetables when trains just seem to come and go whenever. I now just get to the platform as soon as i can, and just hope, no relaxing till i'm awaiting.

Stupid public transport.

Rant #1

People who dont scrape the ice and stuff of their car windows in the morning cos its either "too cold",or "i'm in too mucha rush". This leads to idiots on the road who
a)cant see where they are going except thru a tiny port hole that their rubbish car heater has created
(b) they put their screen wipers on max thrust thinking that the rubber which is designed to remove excess WATER can do the same job as a credit card or proper car scraper on ICE
(c) they end up parking in two spaces cos they cant see the lines/use their mirrors, so in order not to hit anything they reduce the risk by parking randomly and badly.

It takes 2mins to walk around the car with a scraper, it takes 1 mins to spray that de-icer stuff. so do it, idiots.