Twilight… A different ending

umbrellas

annoying things -

people with golf umbreallas on the high street...yes its good for covering you and your golf bag in rain but not you and half the pathway, protecting you and your ham sandwich from M&S from a little dizzle is not called for.
-stupid "travel" umbrellas (the opposite of above). marketed in John lewis with wishes such as - light but strong...wind resistant...auto close and open....swish swosh...you buy them for £20 then step out and before you've even opened it, the light wind has already bent the ribs so its broken...
crap..

just wear a poncho..

people in street

hates people standing in door ways...move...
hates people pushing supermarket tolleys on the side or dragging them from the front and not using the handel at the back...
hates people suddenly turning around in the street when one is behind them...
hates people with the tripple pushchairs that are like a row of airline seats...i dont want to see your fertility status advertised nor do i want to walk in the road to give way to you...
hates grown men/women cycling on the path...youre old enough to get on the road

swine flu

friday rant

I lost my credit card but I absolutely can’t cancel it and get a new one— I’ve had these numbers memorized since high school!

Where the FUCK is my lovefilm envelope?

facts of os life

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes..

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.”

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

fake cars

not from china, but brands doing the trendy thing, these include-

range rover sports- looks stupid, buy a real RR. idiots.
Aston v8 vantage- if an Aston has a v8 it aint an aston. buy the jag XKR-R. fools
Bentley Conti- if its made from a VW it aint a Bentley. buy the real Arnage. retards

i'd rather ride bear back on a feret than have any of the three former mentioned car above.