convertions

1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone

14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle

16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

17. 52 cards = 1 decacards

18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton

19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

22. 10 rations = 1 decoration

23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration

24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University
Hospital = 1 IV League

Exercise and aging

Exercise and aging

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing..

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they’ll say, ‘Well, she looks good doesn’t she.’

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,…… just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

“Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave,
“I look just fine.”

hot?

ow Hot is it?

* the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

* the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

* farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

* the cows are giving evaporated milk.

* the trees are whistling for the dogs.

* you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

* you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

* you can make instant sun tea.

* you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

* the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

* you’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

* you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.

* you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.

* you discover that in August, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

* you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

* you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

* hot water now comes out of both taps.

* it’s noon in August, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.

* you actually burn your hand opening the car door.

* you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.

* no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

* your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”

* you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

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